A la carte tv = bad for creative programming

So there's a movement to change the way Americans buy cable television from the "package" model (where you have to buy 17 home shopping channels to get the Discovery channel) to an "a la carte" model where consumers are free to buy individual channels that they want, and not have to pay for channels they aren't interested in (like those 17 home shopping channels, for instance. Who the fuck buys the crap they peddle on these things? Wal-Mart was sold out?) The people who are behind the main push for this change are the fuckbag lunatics that scream "Won't Somebody Please Think Of The Chlidren" whenever there's a nipple on HBO; in other words, they want to decide what you can watch because they know better. I'm against this change, which goes against one of my core beliefs: More customer choice = good. I'm against it because of the aformentioned fuckbags, but also for another reason: it will decrease the variety of programming available to the American viewing public.

At first blush this might seem counter-intuitive. Otto, you might ask, doesn't this mean that people will be able to support the channels that they watch more directly? Won't it mean that the crap nobody watches will go away? Yes and no. It is true that it will provide a more accurate picture of what people are actually watching (great, more marketing information.. but that's another post), but it will also continue the dumbing down of mass media to the lowest common denominator. People, by and large, (being the sheep that they are) will watch what they're told to watch. (How the hell do you think Touched by an Angel stayed on the air?) On the other hand, excellent programming that doesn't have the marketing clout of a Disney or a Time Warner still manage to get viewers by appealing to the "long tail" of the cable market. ("Long tail" refers to a visual description of market share; there are a few very popular channels, and a greater number of channels that don't get as many viewers.) What the a la carte system will do is cut off the "long tail"; only the stuff that the great unwashed watch will stay on the air, because none of them will be paying for channels they no longer get as part of a "package" they have to buy in order to get the one or two channels they (think they) want. Under the current system, the popular garbage effectively "subsidizes" the stuff that has fewer viewers. My two favorite "long tail" type shows are Attack of the Show and X-Play, both of which are on the Comcast-owned G4. G4 doesn't get very good numbers due to a combination of niche programming and colossal blunders of management (*cough*firing Leo*cough*), but they have some stuff which is creative, entertaining, and useful. G4 is currently a "basic" or "extended basic" channel, meaning that it comes with packages customers buy to get certian channels, even if they don't want all the channels in the package. If "a la carte" channel selection becomes the norm, G4 is dead, because a huge number of viewers will no longer have it delivered to their homes. They have a hard enough time now attracting advertisers (most of their ads are for work-at-home scams, technical schools, and Fitness Made Simple); what will happen when their market penetration drops by 97%? Bye bye.

There are lots of channels that will suffer the same fate; the advertising dollars will end up in the pockets of the big players, who don't really need it. Innovative, controversial, or niche programming will essentially cease to exist, because they will no longer be included by default in a "basic" package, and don't have the hardcore dedicated viewership numbers to exist independently. What we'll get is more lowest-common-denominator garbage like Survivor and Fox News. Whole genres of channels will go away. Forget about Scifi, the History channel, the Golf network, most of the Discovery channels, even the Food network might go away. Lots of people like the content on these channels, just not enough people to make them viable under the new system.

So basically what seems like something that is increasing consumer choice will actually have the effect of decreasing it. Which is precisely why the big media networks have allowed the concept to even enter the public consciousness; they want the ENTIRE pie, not just 90% of it. Just another example of the Wal-Martization of our culture.

Holiday post-mortem

Our version of the holidays is over. I'm exhausted.

We put about 400 miles on the cars in the last few days between parties and family gatherings and other assorted holiday michegas. Gas is expensive. I shudder to think what things would have been like if we had larger families, or ones further away. I wouldn't want to have any particular leg of our travels in the last couple days be more than a couple hours; I can't imagine how people who have to travel five and six hours maintain their sanity, especially if there are small children in the car. Between the inevitable whining (the kids can't help it) and whatever children's entertainment (music or videos, if your vehicle is so equipped) you've brought to try and keep the kid entertained, I'd be wanting to drive into a tree.

Except if it was my little second cousin Cyrus. The kid is nearly disgustingly well behaved. He's two years old this year, and I would normally expect him to be a complete little terror during our family gathering, what with all the people around to get attention from. Nothing of the kind. He was rambunctious to be sure, and had all kinds of fun tossing discarded wrapping paper around (and honestly, who doesn't), but only pitched anything even remotely resembling a fit once. I think I was more cranky than he was during our unbelieveably poorly planned and hilariously poorly executed Yankee swap. (If you don't know what a Yankee swap is as it relates to gift-giving, read this.) But that was only because we were running late to be at my brother-in-law's to see Jenn's family, and that was because the fascist hospital that my mom works for forced her to be on call until 2:30 in the afternoon. (My mom usually works in an outpatient surgical unit, separate from the main OR at that hospital. But, because the management of the hospital are a bunch of cheap no-account short-sighted assholes, nurses on that unit have to be on call to the main OR, where they never work, on nights and weekends. Nevermind that having nurses who don't work in that recovery room cover in there drops a daisy cutter on anything resembling quality of care, no matter how good the nurses are. I'll rant about this in a future posting.) So the whole afternoon was a wait-and-hurry-up affair. It all turned out ok (or at least people said they weren't offended or anything, so I'm going to take them at their word.)

I hope I don't gain much weight over the next week or so; we got a lot of chocolate as gifts. That, and my knee is giving me some trouble, making it impossible for me to get on the exercise bike like I should. I'm trying to stay under 150lbs. (Yeah yeah. I'm 5'6".) Advil is my friend. That and a judicious amount of "alcohol therapy."

(PS how much does it suck that Tony Dungy's kid died a couple days ago? For those of you who aren't sports fans, Tony is the head coach of the Indianapolis Colts football team. The Colts were having an epic season, threatening to go undefeated for the regular season, a feat not accomplished since the Miami Dolphins in 1972. Tony is well respected both in the media and among his peers, and his players would follow him to hell and back, twice. On top of the world one minute, facing an incomprehensible loss the next. It doesn't get a lot worse than that, in my estimation.)

Over the river and down the Pike...

So we'll single-handedly keep Sunoco in business over the next 48 hours. Today it's the brother-in law's for an afternoon gathering, then off to my uncle's for the party he's had on 'teh eve' for at least 20 years now. Then tomorrow it's off to the other uncle's dinner, then off to the in-laws' to spend christmas night. When you remember that the in-laws are two hours away, and the uncles involved are an hour away (in completely different directions) you get a metric fuckload of driving.

Reason for the season?

I've just about had it with every Christian with a persecution complex throwing a sign or a flyer (or a tract) in my face complaining about how those nasty mean secularists are conspiring to drive the religon out of Christmas. I know this may come as a shock to most of those people, but not everyone believes in Jesus as the son of God. Other people believe in other things. The world isn't going to fall off its axis because someone says "happy holidays" instead of "You're going to hell if you you don't worship Jesu...." err, i mean "Merry Christmas."

"Happy Holidays" is inclusive, "Merry Christmas" is not. For people to be offended because their store clerk doesn't ask them what they believe in before they greet them is insane; chances are the minimum-wage PFY bagging your groceries barely has the time or the energy to be civil to you, let alone get your entire life story in order to hold a 3 second conversation with you. It's impractical, and to expect even that small a chunk of the world to revolve around you and your imaginary friend Jesus is, in your value system, a mortal sin (vanity a.k.a. pride, for those who are keeping score.) How you can commit this hypocrisy and then expect people to take you seriously when you bitch and moan and carry on about how "Those Nasty Libruls Are Destroying Christmas" is frankly beyond me.

Christmas hasn't been about Christ for a long long long time. At its best, it's a time for everyone to turn down their "jackass" factor, relax a bit, and be nice to people. (Kind of sad that living in this world makes it necessary to have an excuse to do that.) At its cynical worst, it's another way for the haves to squeeze more retail money out of the have-nots. But it has nearly nothing to do anymore with the guy who got nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice for people to a change.

You could say that's a damn shame, and I'd probably agree with you at least a little bit. The big guy had some good stuff to say, back in the day, as far as I can tell. But nobody can tell you what this season means to you personally. Inside your head you're more than welcome to associate the season with swedish meatballs bouncing down a staircase for all it matters to anyone else. Lighten up.

And an unapologetic "Happy Holidays" to you all.

This is a test, this is only a test.. etc.

Testing, one two...

*tap tap* Is this thing on?

So here I am and there you are. You're not where I am. You're somewhere else. You're somewhere where I can't see you. Unless you're where I am. In which case I really have to get a new home security company.

For those of you who don't know the Evil one, I'm a thirtysomething computer nerd who lives somewhere in New England. (Wouldn't this part of the US and the UK be the same age, being part of the same planet? ... I've elevated digressions to an art form.) I like beer, food and not weighing 300 pounds. I think that things worth doing are worth doing well, unless you're being ironic. I drive a Golf and am proud of it, despite having a Y chromosome. (It's even red. I feel like I should be yakking on my cell phone while applying eyeliner when I drive it sometimes.) I think W is a moron and Cheney is the antichrist, while also thinking "Kerry was the best they could do?"

I also frequently have issues getting to the point.

You can expect the straight poop in this space. (Is it ever straight? ew.) I'll say what I think and if you don't like it, you can cram it.
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echo $pithyComment;