Anne Coulter Needs a Cockpunch #3

I'll be picking apart the State of His Dumbness... I mean State of the Union speech tomorrow, after the people who claim they're smarter than me bitch about it.

In the meantime, here's this week's nugget of bitter-I'm-a-closeted-lesbian bile from the Right's favorite sperm dumpster:

"We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity. We weren't punctilious about locating and punishing only Hitler and his top officers. We carpet-bombed German cities; we killed civilians. That's war. And this is war. " Original National Review article here

Yay! You Godwinned yourself, bitch! You compared the "terrorists", a beautifully loosely defined group that can include (depending on what day it is) liberals, radical Muslims, Al Quaida, and anyone that disagrees with you, to Hitler, clearly a single individual. Difference is, these days, we carpet bomb civilians and STILL don't come up with public enemy #1. Time for a new tactic, don't you think? I know 2300 families that would agree with me.

And you're proposing that the murder of civilians is a GOOD thing? Jesus Christ, lady, is it any wonder we've driven (a very small minority of) radical Muslims to try to destroy us? You might take umbrage if Al Quaida blew up the house next to you, wouldn't you? Then why do you expect Iraqis to react differently? The shit done blowed up! You're going to be pissed at the people who did it, no matter what their justification or moral superiority. Maybe we should STOP killing civilians, and see what happens.

And what's this "convert them to Christianity" bullshit? Maybe you weren't paying attention in history class, since you'd already decided that anything in the history books that didn't fit into your worldview was obviously liberal revisionism, but there were these terribly bloody wars known as the Crusades. Millions of people slaughtered, because they didn't believe in the same "God" as the people who obviously knew what was best for them. (Ironically enough, Muslims actually do worship the same "God" as Christians, they just have another name for the dude.)

Where in the Bible does it say "Kill those people who worship Me slightly differently"? Is it on the same page as "Thou shalt not kill"?

And while we're on the subject, let's get some perspective on the radical Muslims who seek to destroy our country and our way of life. To deny their existence is futile and ignorant; clearly there are individuals who are willing to die in order to kill civilians. Tarring all Muslims with the same brush, however, is basically the same as saying all Christians burn crosses, wear white hoods, and lynch people who look different from them. (Actually, if you leave out the crosses and hoods, we're not that far away.) The truth of the matter is, one of the core principles of Islam is, in fact, love for your neighbor. The lunatics get all the publicity because they're the ones killing people. Change the frame of reference to this part of the world: People going to church and believing in Christ isn't news, people blowing up federal buildings is news.

Oo, and "punctilicious!" Putting 50 cent words in a statement advocating violence against civilians is kind of like polishing a turd; when you're done, it's still a turd.

Well, didn't mean for that to turn into such a long rant, but for crying out loud, Ms. Coulter (she probably hates it when she gets called that), don't you see how this makes you part of the problem and not the solution?

Obscenity has a new definition.

This is the new face of obscenity.

ExxonMobil just had the most profitable quarter in history, capping off what is also a record year for profits.

ExxonMobil recorded a profit of 10.7 BILLION dollars. That's Billion with a "B". They had a bigger year than Thailand and Saudi Arabia.

Read that again. THEY MADE MORE MONEY THAN SAUDI ARABIA.

Isn't oil supposed to be more expensive now? Shouldn't the oil companies be feeling the pinch of higher crude oil prices? We're certianly seeing higher prices at the pump, which obviously means that the oil companies were having trouble making a profit... oh, wait. NO THEY WEREN'T.

How can they get away with this kind of obvious profiteering? Well, for one, terrorists. No further explanation necessary. Terrorists. Also, Katrina. Also no explanation necessary. (Not that the average moron would listen to the explanation, they've been told that that's all they need to know, have another Budweiser and watch some NASCAR.) Never mind that their naked greed is threatening to throw the country into another depression; they've got their money, and that's all that fucking matters. By the time nobody can afford to drive a car except the obscenely wealthy, guess where they're going to be? In the driver's seat. Just like they are now.

Big Oil has decided that they can get away with this for a number of reasons. The biggest is probably the fact that Dubya (the Oil Baron's Fuck Buddy) has most likely used his influence at the highest levels of government to restrain what normal regulatory forces exist. In theory, anti-trust legislation exists to keep companies in a given industry (who ostensibly compete with each other) from fixing prices to enhance their own profits. I'm positive anyone at Justice who starts to make noise about investigating possible illegal collusion and price fixing in the oil industry finds their actions to be a career-limiting event at best.
And W even had the cojones to warn against price gouging in the aftermath of hurricane Katrina. Riiiiiight. Nudge nudge. Never misses a chance to promote his "fuck everyone but the rich" agenda on the backs of minorities who have lost everything.

But the best part is the FTC chairperson he appointed. Let's take two of the least trustworthy groups in the world (lawyers and oil company executives) combine them, and then appoint the result of that unholy alliance chairperson of the FTC, putting her in a position to be regulating the very industry she just came from. But I'm sure she was completely impartial and gave no preference to anyone she might have known at ChevronTexaco. Not even a little. Nope.

The man has no shame. I suppose I shouldn't be shocked, he doesn't have to get re-elected now. And he'll just be setting up the table for the next slimy bastard that occupies the Oval office. (After all, it won't be a Democrat, after all, they support terrorism, and perform abortions on puppies for fun.) ugh.

War is Peace, Ignorance is Strength, Et Cetera.

Today's blatant examples of The Leader Of The Free World's attempts to say two completely diametrically opposite things and make the average idiot think they're the same thing is brought to you by a block of wood.

"We'll listen to ideas. But I want to make sure that people understand that if the attempt to write law makes this program -- is likely to expose the nature of the program, I'll resist it..."

Translation: "I really don't care what you have to say. I'm right, dammit. And you don't get to know what's going on, neener."

"Bush told a White House news conference that the domestic spying program "is designed to protect civil liberties" and declared that "it's necessary.""

*blink*

A .. domestic spying program .. designed to protect civil liberties. Fox, henhouse, etc. Oh, wait, "it's necessary." Oh, well, that's all right then. Nevermind.

"Democrats have accused the president of breaking the law in allowing eavesdropping on overseas communications to and from U.S. residents,"

Duh.

"and some members of his own party have questioned the practice."

OMGWTFBBQ!! You know that when Republicans are turning on their own, someone has committed a fuckup of EPIC proportions. Seriously, this means he's actually managed to give a Republican politican the creeps.

Anne Coulter Needs a Cockpunch #2

This week's hideously dumbtastic quote:

"People like you caused us to lose the war." (to a disabled Vietnam Veteran)
MSNBC (link to source)

*blink*

How big do they have to be to go up to someone in a wheelchair and say this? The dude can't walk anymore because he got shot up defending (ostensibly) your freedom, and this is the way you treat him? How goddamn ungrateful can you possibly get?

As far as I'm concerned, if you fought the war, got your ass shot off, and got spat on when you came back, you have every fucking right to say whatever you want about the war. Who would know how wrong the war in Vietnam better than a guy who's actually been there?

The best thing about this particular quote is the hypocrisy. Every time you turn around, she's defending the troops. Apparently she only supports the troops that don't get shot.

Are you one of these people?

If you're in the United States and you're reading this blog, there is a better than one in 10 chance that you watched American Idol last night. 35.5 million people watched it. If you do happen to be one of those people, please put down your Budweiser and your Krispy Kreme, quit voting for George W Bush, and give me your undivided attention.

YOU ARE A FUCKING MORON.

Not clear enough for you? Then you've made my argument for me.

When this show started up in the UK umpteen years ago, it was kind of a neat idea, and the novelty of it would probably have made me want to watch it at least once. However, this fucking chunk of video sewage has been on for FIVE FUCKING SEASONS, and it just keeps getting stupider and stupider every year. This is the show that made that snotty patronizing unwiped monkey asshole Simon Cowell a household name in the USA. It also got William Hung a recording contract. (Even though you're a moron, I apologize for subjecting you to that site; I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.) This douchebag has a recording contract and had an album that debuted on the Billboard Top 200 (despite having all the musical talent of a bag of bricks), and I have to work for a living. Life is fair. I mean look at this asshole. Any entity that could possibly produce such an unmitigated festering pile of wrong is to be avoided at all costs.

And you assholes keep watching the damn thing.

Don't you know that if you keep watching, they'll keep making them? Do you really not understand why this is a bad thing? For crying out loud, do something more constructive with your time, like sleeping or walking into walls or alphabetizing your silverware.

Two million years of human evolution, and this is what we've come to.

Fuck.

"This is Bob. Bob is doing well! Bob has a Duraflame in his pants, but we can't actually say that because the FCC has this silly rule about truth in advertising!"

Sheesh.

Although I do have to admit, the biggest laughing fit I EVER had (with or without chemical assistance) was an [adult swim] bump that was based on a viewer's email, basically accusing them of subliminal suggestions in their promos. Their response was "Sorry, penis what?".

That wasn't so funny in and of itself. What was funny, is that they had the Enzyte music behind it (you know, the stuff with the whistling.)

I very nearly puked from laughing so damn hard.

I probably lost a couple pounds, too. I was *tired.*

Sometimes the jokes just write themselves. This is a police department with the motto, "We'll Try".

Interesting to note that Fall River is the heroin gateway for all of New England. Looks like they need to "try" a little harder.

Teh 3vil.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you evil in snack food form:

Yes, it's chocolate covered bits of chocolate chip cookie dough.

You'll notice it's almost empty. My wife and I keep telling each other to take it away from them. We fail a good part of the time.

And people wonder why Americans are fat.

Anne Coulter Needs a Cockpunch #1

Every Monday I'm going to try to post a new hilariously terrifying quote from the Radical Right's head cheerleader. (Yes, yes. I know it's Tuesday. Bite me.) Just to remind everyone of why the lunatic fringe is dangerous, no matter which edge you're on.

"My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building."

Wow, where to start. Condoning the senseless slaughter of innocent children, check. Endorsing domestic terrorism, check. Advocating the death of people who disagree with her, check.

Keep talking, Anne. You're easy content. (Or maybe just easy.)

Shameless.

Gee, it's a day that ends in "Y", must be time for the Bush administration to kick the Bill of Rights in the sack again. Unless you've been under a rock for the last month or so (hiding from the War on Christmas, no doubt), you know about Dubya's warrantless wiretapping program. Basically, what it boils down to, is that the President can wiretap whomever he wants to, just by saying "They have links to terrists." Just by SAYING it. American citizens. Ostensibly protected by the Fourth amendment against unreasonable search and seizure. WTF?

Now don't get me wrong. I understand the need for government agencies to conduct covert monitoring of communications that relate to terrorist acts on our soil. Fundamentally, I'm not opposed to the concept. If it keeps a bus full of nuns and children from getting asploded, then it's worth it. But here we have a little something called "Due Process" that I suggest our Fearless Leader familiarize himself with. Sometimes, it's true, the Process can get in the way of an urgent need for a wiretap, as a certian amount of red tape is unavoidable. This is why the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act was passed, allowing for a court that has guidelines for issuing warrants that take national security issues more into account than other judicial bodies. Due process, recognizing that one size doesn't fit all when you're talking about agents of a foreign power.

However, Bush the Second doesn't even feel like he has to do that. He's taken the position, against significant resistance that he's got the unquestionable authority to conduct these searches as he sees fit. John Ashcroft, recovering from gall bladder surgery, had to sign off on the plan from his hospital bed, because his top deputy wouldn't. Effectively, even the Justice department was telling him "Hey, W, this is a bad idea."

He didn't, and doesn't care. He's grabbed the power and is wielding it as he sees fit. After all, that 51% mandate gives him supreme executive power. His own words: "If people want to play politics with the Patriot Act, it's ... not in the best interests of the country..."(Full article) Translation: Questioning my actions is un-American. A recurring theme for our current chief exec. "You're either with us or against us" also comes to mind.

Time was, you could speak out against the government without fear of governmental reprisal. Now in order to attend a public appearance of the man we (allegedly) elected, you have to sign a loyalty oath. Read that again. An oath of loyalty. W is so focused on discrediting his opposition as un-American that he won't even tolerate the very appearance of dissent. He's answerable to nobody except himself. He won't even give lip service to the concept of being answerable to a voting public growing less and less enamored of him.

Let's also not forget something else: The groups who seek to commit terrorist acts against us do so because (in part) they don't believe we should have the freedoms to live as we choose, to speak as we choose, and to associate with whom we choose. Every time we curtail our own freedoms, the enemy wins a battle. I fear what will happen if we win the war for them.

Pat Robertson. You Insensitive Bastard.

People who know me won't be shocked when I say that I fucking HATE Pat Robertson. The man is an embarrassment to everyone who chooses to call themselves Christian. He mongers hate, bilks little old ladies out of their Social Security payments (which is actually my money, but that's a rant for another day.. I gotta start keeping track of those), preaches intolerance, and in this case, shits all over the life's work of a man who, agree with him or not, has changed the face of the middle east for good or bad. I'm speaking of course of Ariel Sharon, prime minister of Israel, who suffered a massive stroke yesterday.

Let's take stock of the man's condition. He was bleeding inside his head. Neurosurgeons operated on him for nine hours trying to keep him alive and whatever quality of life he could have. He's in a medically induced coma in order to minimize the swelling of his brain. He's not currently able to breathe on his own because of the pressure on his brain stem.

And Pat Robertson sees this man's suffering as nothing more than an opportunity to spread his narrow interpretation of the "word of God". Sharon was primarily responsible for the process that led to the Jewish settlers' withdrawal from the Gaza Strip, a process that he (and a lot of other people) thought would be a positive step towards settling differences that date back thousands of years. Of course he had his detractors on both sides of the issue, and for every Israeli citizen mourning the situation there's a Palestinian dancing in the street. There's no black and white here, there's gray. Pat Robertson sees this concession in the name of peace as, and I quote (from the CNN article):

""He was dividing God's land, and I would say, 'Woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the [European Union], the United Nations or the United States of America,'" Robertson told viewers of his long-running television show, "The 700 Club."

"God says, 'This land belongs to me, and you'd better leave it alone,'" he said."

What. The. Fuck.

The man's on the brink of death and this is all you have to say? What about "I'm praying for you?" How about "My thoughts are with your family?" Or how about shutting the fuck up if you don't have anything appropriate to say?

Or how about waiting a God damn week?

It probably goes without saying that my wife has the patience of a saint. She said to me tonight "Pat Roberson needs a cockpunch."

That pretty much says it all.

Sony BMG is teh suk

So there's a settlement (Slashdot article here) close to being implemented in the Sony BMG rootkit debacle. For those of you who haven't heard about this, basically Sony thinks you're a criminal, and they're using that belief to justify installing software on your machine without your knowledge should you be silly enough to, I don't know, put one of their "CDs" (I quote that because these discs don't conform to the CD standard, which Philips maintains, because of the software we're talking about) in your computer. Obviously if you're putting the CD in your computer you're going to pirate their music, so in their eyes (THEY ARE ABOVE THE LAW *hair gel noise*) they're justified in installing software without your permission on your machine to prevent that. (For further information on this situation, teh g00g has more information.)

Now folks, if I did that, whether by compromising the security of your machine, or giving you a CD with software on it that also had this "rootkit" software on it (without your knowledge), I would be guilty of computer trespass and I'd have a very good chance (were I caught) of going to pound-me-in-the-ass federal prison. For the one count of computer trespass that I'd be potentially convicted of. Sony BMG, by its own admission, has installed this software on more than 2 million music "CDs" that it has shipped, potentially making them guilty of over two million counts of attempted computer trespass. Nobody knows exactly how many of these discs ended up installing this rootkit on the buyers' machines, but let's say for sake of argument that ten percent did. That would make them guilty of 200,000 counts of computer trespass and/or vandalism. When you factor in that the software was poorly coded and created gaping security holes in the customers' systems, not to mention rendering the CD-ROM drives in those machines inoperable if the customer was sophisticated enough to remove it, the crimes become that much more egregious.

But wait, that's not all. The software also sent marketing information back to Sony BMG every time you put one of their "CDs" in your computer. AND, if that weren't all bad enough, the software gets installed on your computer whether or not you agree to the End User License Agreement (EULA) that is displayed on your screen when you put one of these discs in your computer. In other words: "Do you want to install this software?" *yes* and the software gets installed. "Do you want to install this software?" *no* and the software gets installed.

Sony justifies this by saying they have a right to protect their intellectual property. Surprise, surprise, the MPAA backs them up. Apparently Sony BMG thinks that their profits are more important than your privacy or security, and they just assume that everyone with a computer is a criminal.

The settlement? It basically (as far as I can tell, I'm not a lawyer) makes Sony BMG take actions that they've already taken voluntarily (such as recall all the "CDs" in question, and provide replacements for the customers who already have bought the discs). That's it. Two million counts of attempted computer trespass and they essentially only pay for the costs of replacing the discs. No promise to refrain from using the software in the future. No public apology to its customers. No admission of wrongdoing. And in my eyes, the worst of all, nobody is going to jail. I'm not looking for someone to go to the gas chamber here, but at the very LEAST someone needs to do time for this. Preferably the executive who signed off on the plan to put the software on the discs in the first place. (He/she will probably claim they weren't made aware of the nature of the software, or that what they were doing was potentially illegal. Too fucking bad, you should have gotten all the facts, you overpaid latte-swilling douchebag.) I'm 99.999% positive at some point someone in the bureaucracy, probably some overworked underpaid wage slave IT drone, thought to themselves "Hey, this is wrong, we could get in trouble for this," and either they spoke up and were ignored (and/or fired), or they held their tongues because the idea was the pet project of one of the previously referenced overpaid latte-swilling douchebags, and they don't like being ignored and/or fired.

People, write your congresscritter. (On paper, none of the people with any influence read email from their constituents.) Find the address here. Also, try your state attorney general. Be polite but outraged. Let them know that there have been crimes perpetrated against their constituents, and the people responsible (who have confessed to these crimes) are getting away with it. Big business has done some pretty sleazy things, but this just crossed the line from "sleazy" to "blatantly criminal".